Distant and or jealous friends

How far postpartum are you? Have you settled in with baby yet?

Sounds to me like the friend who is hahaing everything is jealous and probably can’t relate to anything your talking about anymore. Sometimes we have to let our friends go as we grow in life. We level up and can’t take everyone with us. I agree liking things isn’t a friendship sounds to me like since your not at her call anymore she keeps her distance. Doesn’t sound like a friend from the beginning sounds like she used her to keep her busy etc and now that your no longer beneficial to her she keeps you at a distance.

Emotions are high right now pp so I'd take a step back and evaluate in a few months. It could be all of the feelings you mentioned or none of them. I would try to give people grace and reach out to them directly that you miss them and are sad they haven't reached out if that's the case. I try to always remember all of the things I didn't know about becoming a mom before I was one. I wouldn't know what things are hard about it or how to connect / when I needed to reach out. Your friends might not be acting out of malice, they might just not know. I also try to remember how little I cared to hear about kids before I had one. I'm sorry, it's the truth. The minutiae can be boring to people who don't get it like other parents. I would give a lot of grace to your friend having trouble trying to conceive. As moms, I think we all know how blessed we are, and I have all the sympathy in the world for people who can't so I would just appreciate whatever friendship she can give from her end. That's hard.

Motherhood is hard and lonely. && we do loose a lot of “friends”. That’s a part of the journey. Be okay with just being with baby. You don’t need no one who doesn’t want to be around anyways. I personally have lost all my friends and I’m 12 years into this journey. It doesn’t get easier. They don’t come back around you just learn to adjust. Now my best friends are my kids.

@Ashley I made a comment how at 32 I finally have everything I want. And she just had a birthday. I said 30 was a dirty 30 birthday because I was single and she still had no kids so could go clubbing. Now she just turned 32 and is only married still no kids. She said hahaha I’m still acting like I’m 23. Took that as a defensive comment because I said I had everything I wanted at 32 now that we are both 32. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was just saying it felt like a very adult birthday this year.

@Ashley I’m doing much better. Had some baby blues but better. In therapy too to grieve some of the failed experiences and expectations of birth and breastfeeding. But I’m navigating it the best I can with the information I have. Every day I learn something. She keeps us on our toes too. I absolutely love the contact naps and snuggles. I even enjoy cosleeping

@JL I get it that. And to be fair I don’t really want to hear about her sexual escapades either and things we previously talked about. I just don’t care about them either. We are in different places in our life and I can’t relate to her either. But I’m still a friend and still enjoy talking to her but I can’t sit on the phone for 3 hours either now.

Mom to mom I had birth planned and breast feeding etc things went wrong and I couldn’t breast feed I felt like I failed esp when I divorced my husband when he was 1. But looking back it’s not that big of a deal but it is at the time esp with your first. Yeah I’d block them and keep it moving. You’ll learn with more kids none of it matters that you didn’t get the expectation you planned. Life goes on. They won’t remember it…you tried that’s all you can do. Life’s not perfect… all we can do is try. Everything happens for a reason. Even if you can’t see the reason yet trust the process.

I had friends who were lived away from me who had kids before me and I struggled with knowing what to do and say. I didn’t want to be a burden at a time where I was certain they were too busy for me and had loads of people close to them that wanted to see the kids. In hindsight I’m sure they’d have appreciated a few more messages and a phone call. I do regret it now I have a baby but I think quite often we’re not sure how to react to this and where you fit into their lives now. When I was PP I messaged my childless friends saying I’m wanting messages and phone calls just to make it explicit.

Okay, I learned this very early on in my life … you need friends that are at the stage you are at. I have an older friend who was married by the time I was 21 and had her first before I was 23. Obviously I wasn’t the most helpful friend I didn’t know what she was going through. Yes I baby sat for her and we still hung out but I knew I couldn’t relate. She now has 3 kids. And has been married for 10 years. I have just gotten married and I have one kid, she was VERY helpful. VERY!! She didn’t diss us bc none of us in the friend circle was where she was at. We also didn’t disrespect her. But I don’t think we checked on her often. I say all of this to say, just bc they aren’t checking doesn’t mean they don’t care they might not realize. But for the jealous friend I would put a little bit of space between you guys. Go get mom friends.

I totally agree with @Rosie I assumed people with kids wouldn't want the pressure of having to reply to my message etc and this was confirmed many times when they didn't actually reply. Now being on the other side of this, I very much do want my friends and the space I gave to my friends with kids, may have not been what they wanted. If you're also at that age where people want kids but can't have them, new babies can be triggering too and in time, this may ease. And finally, friendships work both ways - just as friends would check in and make the effort with the new mum... I do think some mums can forget that their friends have needs and a life too, so things like meet ups without the baby sometimes and checking in with their lives is important.

My son is 2.5 and all my friends are still kid-free. They never really checked in with me or asked about my son. It was definitely a long transition but they started inviting me out again and have been more accepting of "sorry I can't get a babysitter short notice" if I can't accept an invitation. Of course I would love for them to be more interested and involved but I know I didn't know what to do or say when it came to kids before I had my own either. It's really just an adjustment where you have to decide what you can compromise on and what is a requirement.

This is motherhood...it can be very lonely and isolated....probably you will lose some of your single friends who don't have children, because you will be on a different ways and not many would want to be around babies...I did not have many friends, but I lost them, one of my best friend did not understand that I needed time to bond and had a bad anxiety being around anyone when baby was crying , she did not have children herself and was trying to teach me how I should look after my baby...also when she visited, she would stay for hours...and she would dismiss my tired look , she also would talk about her things when my brain was so fresh after giving a birth...i also did not have any village, and evetyrhing was on me

I was exhausted and once she commented that my place is dirty and is so easy to keep place clean...I was really upset...we fall apart... Other friend liked me and needed me when I was single and she could share with me her personal stories and I was kind of counselling for her, when I had my baby she at least understood how busy my life is.. You will make new friends who have babies and you will have a lot of general topics to talk

@Nastia wow that’s awful. My dad did something similar to the cleaning story and I left him have it. I said by the time you bitched about how you can’t help you could have carried the laundry basket upstairs. I didn’t even ask him to fold it. And I was like dude I’m breastfeeding and can’t lift anything due to my c section. I shouldn’t even have done the laundry! But I’m the woman and my partner wasn’t doing enough for me so I had to get it done. I definitely overdid it during recovery cleaning cooking and bending when I shouldn’t but he wasn’t going to be able to do everything to upkeep the house and help with the baby. That’s another story for sure!