How to save a relationship postpartum

I never thought I’ll be trying to get advice regarding my relationship but at this point I’ll try anything😔 LG is currently 12 weeks and for the past few weeks i feel like my relationship has been falling apart. We’ve been together for 3.5 years and dreamed of having a family together. Now we are full of anger and bitterness towards each other. It’s a cycle of bickering then arguing and after apologising. I feel like I have postpartum rage and recently seasonal depression has hit so I know that I’m not easy to deal with but I feel like recently my partner is not easy to deal with it either. So we are both to blame. He is the best dad to our LG and we always had such a great relationship but I feel like our love is currently being tested and I’m scared it will never be the same. I grew up in a broken home and I always dreamed of my own family with a happy ending and I just feel so defeated. Is anyone currently going through the same thing or has any advice on how to fix this or when to call it quits 🥺
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Just dont give up, better days will come. Its so hard with a lottle baby! And a relationship should be for better and for worse. 😊 as for depression, could be postnatal depression, this way or another, go get help. Speak to your gp. I only recently realised that I keep telling my husband how to do things better or I moan when he doesnt get something done when I asked, I do that a lot. It must be so annoying. So I started just keeping it for myself at times and either not say or find a positive way to tell him. Its a massive change for him too and he helps with the baby a lot but at the same time I know he gets stressed when she cries as he panicks he wont be able to calm her down. He doesnt believe he can do it, so I try to support him the way he supports me when I need it. We dont really have much time together, he promises, but then he ends up getting food or going sleep to rest before work. I wish he finds time but I just need to give us some time so we learn to organise our time best around the baby.

Apparently so many relationships break down in the first year after baby. You’re sleep deprived, hormones, baby to take care of and you don’t have the same time for each other. Remember why you’re together in the first place ❤️ I believe you have to work on it but if he’s a good man to you and a good daddy then don’t give up x

We have a “Saturday night bar” we put her to bed, sit at our breakfast bar with a drink. No phones, and chat. It’s really helped as all week you’re talking just about the baby and one of you is caring for them and juggling other tasks. It’s a phase but work on your communication and affection to help get through it .. xx

Could have written this myself! Last week (12 weeks) we sat down and decided something needed to change so this weekend we went for a little date day out and made a conscious effort not to argue all weekend. We made it! It was the best weekend we've had in a really really long time. We're aiming for small chunks like this and talking about it constantly. I think it'll get better! It has to!

Having a baby puts a huge strain on a relationship. It’s totally normal. Try to be kind to each other. Becoming a parent is hard. And know that it gets easier and you’ll find time for each other again.

With all the preparation there is for baby, I think there should be advice on how to cope with the stain that adding to your family puts on your relationship. Very few couples are prepared and go into it thinking that it will bring them together only to find out that exhaustion, hormones, added responsibility, no free time and financial strain and other things sometimes overwhelm the joy and love of having a little one. Sit down and acknowledge this to each other. Be vulnerable and tell your partner that you want to save your relationship but you’ll have to work together and ask what can be done to get through now and find little moments that remind you who you were together before baby. Fight for it, not just for you, but for your baby’s welfare you.

Yes the first year is the hardest on your relationship and a lot of people say you’re like roommates for that first year. Me and my husband have a 3 day rule each month. 1 day each to do our own thing whilst the other one watches LO, 1 day where we do something just us two and 1 day where we do something as a family all together. We also have no phones in bed rule. It’s hard to make time for one another but it’s so worth it. We found having that time where it was just us again really brought us closer together and reminded us why we were together in the first place! Hang in there it will get easier with time x

If you are able to get someone to look after little one for a few hours and go for a date! Me and my husband did this a few weeks ago and honestly the bickering has stopped! I just gave us a chance to laugh and be us again! My little girl is also 12 weeks old!

I can only echo what others have said. It's so hard early on. I am a second time mum and just wanted to share that with my first I was feeling the same but once things got easier with our LO and we had time for each other it got so much easier. I also had PND and think my partner did too, it makes things super hard so if you are suffering any anxiety/ depression on top of being parents to a small baby. From my experience I would say sometimes you have to accept that things are crap but that if the reasons you are together are still there, even if temporarily on hold due to your baby, then it'll be ok. Definitely try getting time together whenever you can. @Olivia loving your 3 day rule! Also @Ellie B the Saturday night bar sounds good.

My mum always told me don’t make any decisions on your relationship in your first year postpartum. It is hell out here! Postpartum is hard!! For all the reasons everyone has listed - just focus on trying to get to a year. Try find small moments for each other. Kiss each other when you come in/outside the house. Hug in bed. Get your partner a little tastey treat to surprise them when you do the food shop. Shower together when the baby sleeps. Even if the only thing the 2 of you can do together without arguing is sitting together and hugging in silence - do it! This year just focus on surviving, you are both changing so much and the bitterness and resentment will fade overtime and if it doesn’t then at least you can walk away knowing you tried damn hard for your family and that’s what matters x

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