Feeling like a bad mother

I have really been struggling recently. I spend every night with my baby whilst my partner sleeps in another room as he works. If the baby starts crying e.g when I go and make a bottle. He will go in the room and this usually makes me feel bad. There has also been a few occasions where she will cry as she is unsettled. If this goes on for a few minutes he will come in the room and take her off me. When she then settles with him he will make a big deal on what I need to do to settled her. This is starting to affect my confidence and it is making me feel inadequate. I feel like I rush to stop her crying in the night as I worry this will wake him. It also makes me feel like a terrible mother that she doesn’t always settled with me. Is it something I am doing wrong? Or do is it because we spend so much time together. I feel like I am making so many mistakes.
Like
Share Mobile
Share
  • Share

Show your support

You're not making mistakes, you're doing just fine. Sometimes, it takes longer to settle baby, and that's okay. I feel like you should have a good convo with your partner and be honest with him about how you feel. I get the whole feeling guilty about waking partner thing as well because I get that sometimes, but, at the end of the day, yes they work etc but it's their child too and it's to be expected that sleep will be disturbed sometimes. He should count himself lucky that he doesn't have to stay up for the entire time until baby is asleep again.

Not at all, you're not doing anything wrong. Sometimes baby will settle for me and sometimes for my partner. They just like to play us 😂 you're doing absolutely unreal, it's hard work. I sometimes think my baby is getting sick of me when I spend too much time with him but he's not, they can just be fussy for apparently no reason. Xx

Nights are so difficult because if baby wakes up the chances are that you will both hear the cries as that's a parents instinct, I do it slightly different as most of the time I breastfeed during the night but occasionally she has a bottle but either way I take her out of our room into her nursery and change and feed her in there then bring her back in when she's asleep as that mesns we all get to sleep together, getting her to sleep initially at night is another challenge, she settles so much better for my partner than me, I can try for an hour and she will have none of it, he will come up and she will be asleep within 10 minutes! Sometimes just a change of person is enough to settle them and sometimes there is just no reason, doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong - i went through a stage of thinking this and my partner reassured me that I wasn't doing anything different to what he did, tell your partner how you feel and I'm sure he will feel bad that he made you feel like that as wasnt his intentions x

You are not doing anything wrong . You just need support and understanding from your partner. It’s because sometimes babies are full and they get feeding instinct near mom . It makes them sick of the scent . Change of voice and scent gives them relief . My baby sometimes feel better with my husband and sometimes on me depends on her mood and health .

i echo everything said above, and i know it’s easier said than done but try and remain calm too. if your heart rate is elevated or you’re feeling stressed, your baby is likely to pick up on it too. you’ve got this xxx

I read that babies settle better with Dads as they’ve got a deeper voice, a slower heart rate and they don’t smell like milk. So don’t take it personally! ❤️

The first 4 weeks baby was only falling asleep at night with dad 🙌🏼🙌🏼 He rocked her to sleep and it worked. With me she sometimes fell asleep on the boob and sometimes didn't. Now in the night I breastfeed only while lying down in bed so she falls asleep nicely. Sometimes quick and sometimes 1hr plus but I fall asleep before her at times 🙈😅

Read more on Peanut
Trending in our community