PTSD and intimacy

Hey ladies. I’m 13 weeks PP. My daughter was born vaginally and I had an episiotomy. I’ve always felt weird towards the scar when it was healing. I never checked my stitches as I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d ask my midwife to check on our routine appointments. My husband is being so loving to me and I’m feeling awful as I just can’t bring myself to have sex with him yet. He says he understands, but I feel awful for him. We have been intimate in other ways, but the minute he tries to put his hand lower than my belly button I tense up and feel really uncomfortable. This has only been since having my baby in September. I’ve been using the excuse of not being on contraception up until now. I’ve finally booked in to have my coil re-fitted but that’s not until mid January. So I’m using this excuse until then, but after this I’m worried I’ll still feel the same and will not have an excuse. Husband keeps saying ‘he’ll be gentle..ect’ but it doesn’t make me feel any better about all. Just wondering if anyone else felt the same and how you overcame it.

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It's sounds like u haven't mentally healed from being torn and I think your more scared of that happening again either through intercourse causing it to retear or sex causing you to get pregnant again. I had a similar thing after my emergency c section which was a really traumatic experience for me and it was less the actual physical act of sex that scared and more what sex can cause because alls I could think about was getting pregnant and that happening to me all over again. What helped me was talking about my birth experience in great detail and explaining how I felt through every moment of it. I talked about it over and over again until it got easier. I also started to touch and acknowledge my scar as it is now apart of me I touching it made me less scared of it. Also going on contraception made me feel so much better as now mu chances of getting pregnant is significantly reduced. I was scared even with a condom but I finally had sex for the first time after 14 weeks x

I would start small and just look at ur scar even if it's for 5 seconds and just increase the time each day until it no longer makes you uncomfortable. I think seeing that ur scar is healed and touching it and realising it does hurt anymore will do a lot for you x

I was terrified to look, but did and honestly everything looked pretty much the same. I still cried, it was a weird moment! But I honestly think you will feel better once you have, itll probs be a relief 🫶😊 As for intimacy, again I was SO nervous but we took it really slowly and over the last two/three weeks our sex life has been the best it ever has 🥰 Its scary and its hard but you birthed a baby, you can do this 💪 just take your time and love your body for the amazing baby you have 💕

I am 13 weeks PP from a 3rd degree tear & and episiotomy, I haven’t looked and don’t think I will if I’m honest. I still haven’t had sex with my boyfriend again and not sure when I will feel ready, he’s so patient and understanding but I’m so scared, you’re definitely not alone 🫶

I had episiotomy and I think baby step is the best way. No need to look a didn't and still haven't. Start by just feeling around it yourself just to feel that it's healed and know that it's not painful to the touch. Once you're comfortable with that ask your husband to do the same, sounds weird but to me starting with touching was less daunting. Make sure he knows your limits every time you are intimate. It might be uncomfortable at first but trust that it will get better and that you're fully healed at this point. We've been having sex again for a while but I still have to be face to face so that I can tell him if something feels wrong straight away. Communication is the single most important thing xx

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